No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize