Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
