First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize