my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
