I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
