whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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