let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
