allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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