Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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