What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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