Cold hands, warm shart.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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