Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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