if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
