call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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