i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't deserve a penis
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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