I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
