i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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