Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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