no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
