Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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