Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
