Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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