Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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