we're chasing vodka with high fives
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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