woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
