in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
