Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
