You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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