We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
