At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize