As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
