I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
