I accidentally had phone sex last night
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Randomize