You made me cry and you don't even care
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
