Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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