How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
