absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
