how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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