see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
