Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize