come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
