ugly people sure do ruin things
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
