C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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