this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
