I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
