dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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