Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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