singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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