Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
