ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
