and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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