I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
