Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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