Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
