Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
