Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
2020 sucks, I want a refund
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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