It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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