Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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