cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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