Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
