Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize